No messing about today. Straight to the point. Hold on tight, so to speak.
I would love to ask a simple question to the inventor of the rollercoaster rides. Why? What on earth was going on in your head? Yes, that’s two questions but I am on a roll.
Did they honestly think it would be a smashing idea to have middle-aged men (other demographics are available) careering upside down, backwards, at all angles? And more importantly, did they think we would enjoy it?
You may be wondering where this random outburst has come from. Well, as a family this summer, we made our return to the world of Disney, Florida. I for one had forgotten, after a four year hiatus, how much I really don’t embrace these so-called thrilling rides.
But let me be very clear here; I am equally to blame.
You see, each visit to Disney, which really is the most wonderful place I hasten to add, I queue for hours, casually chatting to my family as if I didn’t have a care in the world, just to spend two minutes on a ride with my eyes close, praying to the good lord that this living hell will end soon. I could choose to decline.
And don’t get me started on simulator rides. They really are the devil’s work. They lead you into a false sense of security with their unique selling point of ‘not being a rollercoaster’. Then as soon as the start button is pressed, bang, you are thrown around like confetti without actually leaving the area you are seated.
A final humiliation, photos are taken mid-ride, are now conveniently delivered to an app, which allows the endless guffawing and sharing to family and friends, of my many facial contortions. If you need an example of utter fear, let me know and I’ll pass one on.
Now, as if rollercoasters and simulators are not bad enough (oh, trust me, they are), as a man who doesn’t take to heights very well, Disney has another little gem in their back pocket. They call it ‘Soarin’. I was informed it was a lovely 5-minute ride and I’d ‘get to see some nice views of the world’.
Anyway, away we went (well, actually, we didn’t go anywhere and that is the embarrassing element) and within seconds I am ‘soaring’ over huge mountains, legs dangling, pinned in my chair in utter fear. I then spent the next few minutes (stressing again, we have not actually left our starting position), riding over the pyramids, the Eiffel Tower and every other ‘high in the sky’ attraction you can imagine.
It was only afterwards, my son informed me of the sign saying, ‘if you are averse to heights, this is not for you’. Thanks son.
Let me finish by telling you about the water park. There is a wave pool, which delivers six-foot waves every minute, that hit you like a bus and leaves you gasping for air and your dignity.
The first time I experienced this, circa 12 years ago, I loved it. Now, it really does feel like being hit by a bus!
Age, eh?…but we really did have a lovely time.
Until next time.
