Allow me to share a little personal thought that has been playing on my mind.
Tapas is overpriced. And you never get anywhere near enough. There, I have said it.
Now let me be clear. I have not said tapas isn’t nice because it is, it’s very nice indeed. I have fond memories of it, back in 2004 whilst on my first date with my now wife. We went to the Hairy Lemon in Halifax and we ate lots of tapas. I know we ate lots of it because the payment plan the Hairy Lemon offered me when we were asked to settle the bill has just two monthly payments remaining.
Although my wife seems to only remember my dress attire that evening; a white T-shirt with the word ‘passion’ in bold red across it, and brown trousers. I know what you are thinking and you are correct. I WAS ahead of my time, a true fashion icon.
But, back to tapas. If someone was to interrupt me right now as I write and offer me three wee meatballs and a teaspoon of tomato sauce (because let’s face it, that’s what you get), then yeah, I would thank them very much and devour it within the customary 13 seconds.
And there is my point. There is quite simply never enough!
Now, you are probably thinking ‘Gareth, that is what tapas is. Small dishes!’ Yes, I get that, but the majority of us have a smashing appetite, especially after a couple of beers. When it’s time to order, we all know that we need to order at least eight dishes each to fill that tummy, but we don’t because that’s not how it is done.
Tapas makes us pretend we are not greedy. When each dish is brought to the table, it results in a table wide chorus of ‘Oooh, that looks gorgeous. Which one is that? Is that what I ordered?’
Tapas always looks amazing. But if you are sharing the dishes, you will always have one eye on Jimmy and how many pieces of halloumi he has on his fork.
I guarantee you two things will happen when the food has been hoovered up. Every single person will still be hungry but they won’t admit it, oh no. A recent survey found that 84.7% of people who ate tapas on a night out asked the taxi driver on the way home to stop at the local drive-through for a top up.
And the second point? Each and every person sitting at the table will look at the bill and wonder if the restaurant offers a monthly payment plan.
Allow me to provide you with some advice. When your pals suggest you meet them for tapas, accept the invitation and enjoy, because tapas is lovely. Ensure you’ve booked some overtime the week before to help pay for it, or that your credit rating is in a good place for that plan.
And when ordering your taxi home, remember to inform the operator you have a pit stop to make, because you may well need it.
